Who Needs Therapy?
by Red Witch
Summary: PsycheOut tries out a new therapy tool on Beach Head, Low Light, Snake Eyes and the others. Duke may end up needing therapy after this.


**I don't own any GI Joe characters. Sorry. Well I had a mad idea in my head on Psyche-Out's early days as the Joe therapist/psychological warfare specialist so…**

**Who Needs Therapy?**

"Okay Duke what's the big idea?" Beach Head asked. He was sitting in one of the briefing rooms with Snake Eyes, Low Light, Leatherneck, Wet Suit and Airtight. 

"Well remember those personality profile tests you took the other day?" Duke said. "Those of you who didn't set them on fire." He glared at Low Light.

"It was an accident," Low Light grinned. "Honest." 

"Well all of you are bordering on…uh…" Duke struggled on how to put the term delicately.

"You're all a little tense and need to unwind," Psyche-Out told them as he walked into the room. "If not you'll all go crazy. Of course some of you are probably already borderline psychotic but that's not necessarily a bad thing." 

"Tactful isn't he?" Wet Suit asked. 

"Everyone this is Psyche-Out," Duke said. "Our new Joe psychological warfare specialist. In addition he's also our new psychiatrist."

"A SHRINK?" Wet Suit shouted. "You mean we have a shrink now on the base?"

"Way past time in some people's case," Leatherneck chuckled. 

"Oh goody!" Airtight chirped. "They got my letter!" 

"What letter?" Low Light asked him. 

"I wrote a letter to the top brass," Airtight explained. "Five hundred and sixty two ways to improve our unit. This was reason number 32."

"Reason number one is to remove him from the unit," Wet Suit muttered to Leatherneck. 

"Basically my job is to help all of you relieve stress," Psyche-Out said.

"I don't get stressed," Leatherneck snapped. "Give stress maybe but…" 

"Look this is from the top," Duke said. "All of you are going to have to take some mandatory therapy sessions because…Well to put it simply you're all nuts."

"Everyone in GI Joe is nuts," Wet Suit said. "Never bothered anyone before."

"Yeah but you guys really push it to the limit," Duke told them. 

"Yeah then why isn't Shipwreck here?" Low Light asked.

"Shipwreck is beyond help," Duke told him. 

"You have a point," Low Light agreed. 

"What point? I am not crazy like you guys!" Beach Head snapped.

"Uh uh, denial is a clear sign you have a problem Beach Head," Airtight told him. 

"I am not in denial!" Beach Head said.

"Yes you are," Airtight told him. 

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are."

"Am not!"

"You are, you are, you are!" 

"I am not in denial about anything!"

"Of course you are. You're denying it right now aren't you? Concrete proof that you are in denial," Airtight told him. "Only a person in complete denial of his problems would deny that he does have problems. Therefore you are in denial." 

"You know somehow that does make sense," Leatherneck said to Wet Suit. 

"Since when does anything this guy says make sense?" Beach Head shouted. "I don't belong here!"

"Aw pipe down Beach Head and listen to the man," Leatherneck waved.

"How can you take this so calmly?" Beach Head asked him.

"Well seeing you here makes me feel a whole lot better about myself," Leatherneck grinned. "And I always knew Fish Face here had a few screws loose." 

"I'm gonna loosen more screws from you fat head if you don't…" Wet Suit made a fist. 

"All right pipe down you two!" Duke sighed. "I would think the reason you guys are here would be obvious. Especially after that little fiasco on the target range yesterday!"

"Duke we didn't mean to blow up that building," Wet Suit explained.

"Yeah it was an accident," Leatherneck told him. "Besides we only took out one little wall." 

"A wall that happened to cover the men's lavatory thank you very much!" Beach Head shouted. "Stop laughing Low Light!"

"Well it was kind of funny seeing you there on the can and…" Low Light laughed. 

"SHUT UP!" Beach Head shouted. "And people wonder why I'm stressed?" 

"I told you," Airtight said. "You have a problem Beach Head." 

"YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A PROBLEM IF YOU DON'T…" Beach Head nearly jumped over the desk to throttle Airtight. 

"BEACH HEAD CALM DOWN!" Duke shouted as he pulled him off Airtight. "That is an order!"

"Sorry sir…" Beach Head grumbled. "Kind of…lost it there."

"Yeah we noticed," Psyche-Out said. "Now apologize. Go on."

"I'm…sorry…." Beach Head grumbled. 

"There, now isn't that better?" Psyche-Out asked. 

"No," Beach Head grumpily sat back down at his seat.

"I think it's time we got to work on our anger management," Psyche-Out said. "I know it's difficult for some of you to discuss your feelings so I want you all to try a little homework exercise this week."

"Homework?" Low Light asked him. "What are we in third grade or something?"

"Well I know some of you people act like you're still in kindergarten," Duke told him. 

"What I want all of you to do this week is when you feel frustrated or if you have some alone time at night I want all of you to talk out your feelings to your therapeutic stress reliever," Psyche-Out rummaged through a large sack.

"Come again?" Beach Head asked. 

"Beach Head, meet Snuffles the Bear," Psyche-Out placed a brown teddy bear on his desk. 

"You have got to be kidding," Beach Head looked at him. 

"No this will help you," Psyche-Out told him. "This is a technique that will help you express your feelings better and relive your frustration." 

"You have got to be kidding me!" Beach Head said. "Duke tell me this guy isn't serious! There is no way on earth I am gonna talk to a stupid stuffed teddy bear!"

"You will talk to the bear soldier!" Duke told him. "That's an order!" He turned to the others snickering. "Don't laugh all of you are going to participate in this little exercise as well."

"Words cannot describe how stupid this is…" Low Light growled as he got his bear. Snake Eyes made a gesture. "You said it brother." 

"It's just a simple exercise," Duke said. "No need to feel silly about it."

"That's true Duke," Psyche-Out nodded. "Here's your bear."

"ME?" Duke shouted. "Why do I have to do it? They're the ones who are nuts!"

"Now who has a problem?" Beach Head snickered.

"Another case of denial," Airtight shook his head. 

"Doctor's orders Duke," Psyche-Out grinned. "Enjoy your week."

"I don't believe this…" Duke looked at the bear in his hands. 

"This guy's crazier than we are," Wet Suit remarked. 

"I am not talking to a stupid bear," Low Light said. "If I wanna have a discussion with something stuffed and no brain I'll talk to you guys." 

"I am in total agreement," Leatherneck groaned. "Why did it have to be a teddy bear of all things?" 

"I feel like I should be asking for milk and cookies next," Airtight said. 

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he had a little uniform on…" Beach Head thought. 

************************************************************************

One week later…

"Welcome back!" Psyche-Out said brightly. "How was your week."

"Absolutely humiliating," Duke grumbled. "Here take back your stupid bear!" He threw what was left of it at Psyche-Out.

"Where are its arms?" Psyche-Out asked. "And its left leg? And is that a bullet hole? " 

"I had a lot of frustration to work out!" Duke snapped. 

"All right, moving on. Low Light what happened to your bear?" Psyche-Out stared at the bear. It was nothing more than a pile of stuffing.

"There was a slight accident on the target range," Low Light grinned. 

"O-kay…" Psyche-Out looked at Airtight. "What's your excuse?"

"Chemical fire," Airtight said simply. On the desk was the charred remains of the bear. "You know you really shouldn't be using such flammable objects."

"Uh huh…" Psyche-Out looked at him doubtfully. "Wet Suit?"

"Got eaten by a shark," Wet Suit grinned. "I still have one of its legs. It's a bit soggy…" 

"Leatherneck?" Psyche-Out sighed. 

"Land mine," Leatherneck smiled as his pile of ash was smoldering on the table. "Darndest thing." 

"Snake Eyes?" Psyche-Out looked at the bear in front of him. It had several ninja throwing stars imbedded in it. "Never mind," He sighed as he walked past.

He went up to Beach Head. "Okay Beach how did yours get damaged?" He looked at it. "Hey! It's in one piece! And it's wearing a uniform?" Sure enough the bear was there in a little uniform. "So you didn't hate this assignment at all?" 

"Oh no Sgt. Snuffles and I quite enjoyed it," Beach Head said cheerfully.

"Sgt. Snuffles?" Duke blinked.

"Well he is an officer you know," Beach Head said matter of factly. 

"Oh boy…" Low Light groaned. 

"Well I'm glad to see that one of you took this exercise seriously," Psyche-Out reached for the bear.

Beach Head grabbed the bear. "What do you think you're doing?" He glared at him.

"I'm taking back the bear," Psyche-Out said. 

"No you can't," Beach Head said simply. 

"The exercise is over Beach Head now…" Psyche-Out reached for the bear.

"You will get my bear over my cold dead body," Beach Head said menacingly. 

"Beach Head get a grip," Wet Suit said. 

"ARE YOU DISRESPECTING AN OFFICER?" Beach Head snapped.

"I didn't call you anything," Wet Suit said.

"I was referring to Sgt. Snuffles!" Beach Head told him. 

"Oh dear…" Low Light shook his head. 

"Beach Head nobody is disrespecting Sgt. Snuffles," Duke said. "What am I saying? Beach Head it's just a teddy bear!"

"Sgt. Snuffles is not a teddy bear!" Beach Head snapped. "He is a certified therapeutic stress reliever!" 

"A certified…?" Duke gasped.

"He certainly is," Low Light told him, not referring to the bear. 

"Beach Head give me the bear and that's an order!" Psyche-Out made a grab for it. 

"YOU'RE NOT TAKING SGT. SNUFFLES!" Beach Head shouted pulling it away. 

"Let him keep the stupid bear!" Duke groaned. "That way everybody will be happy!"

"Good!" Beach Head said. "Come on Sergeant, we've got reports to work on." He went out with his bear whistling. 

"Well that was something you don't see everyday," Wet Suit said.

"Says you," Leatherneck told him. "My room's right across the halls from his. Kept me awake half the night talking to that stupid thing!" 

"And people think **we **have issues?" Low Light asked Snake Eyes. 

"I think I may have created a monster," Psyche-Out gulped.

"No? Ya think?" Duke asked sarcastically. 


End file.
